okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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