were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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