Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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