I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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