Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
