low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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