The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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