She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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