You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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