So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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