just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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