I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
