i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
