I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh god it's open bar.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
