I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
