his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
