How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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