you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
love makes seman taste better
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
