puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
