I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
