Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
