Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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