When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
