Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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