you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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