I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize