Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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