this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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