I want to have your abortion
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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