Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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