I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
