im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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