i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
