It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
