So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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