also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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