I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
