I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
