Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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