Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
