lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
