I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
