I cockslap morals
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do vagina's smell?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
