You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
