I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
