you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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