the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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