You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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