did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
