You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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