I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
