We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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