I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
