the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I need a burrito and a hug.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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