I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
