FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
