Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
