I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
