I'm going to jail i love you
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
