She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
