also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
