Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
