i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
