It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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