I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
