Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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