That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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