just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize