I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
