I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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