my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize