I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just invented taco cereal.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
