Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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