i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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