At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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