Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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