My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
