My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
