I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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