you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
