I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
