I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
