So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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