Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
