she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
